If You're Gone
by Batchickh
Summary: Scully refuses to give in to the idea that Mulder might not return.


Title: If You're Gone   
Author: [Starbuck][1]   
Disclaimer: If I owned them, which I do not, I would be sitting on a beach somewhere with a laptop writing these stories anyway. Oh and yeah, I'd be filthy, stinking rich. As it is, I'm just your fan fiction writing maniac who has little in the ways of money but much in the ways of the imagination. Enjoy the ride!   
Rating: PG13   
Summary: Scully refuses to give in to the idea that Mulder may not be coming back.   
Spoilers: All Things/Requiem   
Archive: By permission only.   
Scully file: It was bound to happen! Another Matchbox Twenty inspired work by Starbuck.   
Credits: Further credits given at the end.   


* * *

_if you're gone - baby you need to come home_   
_cuz there's a little bit of something me_   
_in everything in you_

* * *

> Dana Scully sits at her partner's desk as she has done religiously since her release from the hospital. She held one of his many pencils in her hands and rolled in back and forth. The simple movement of the pencil relaxed her as she was able to remember Mulder doing the same action when he thought she wasn't looking. It was how she knew that he was thinking hard about something or someone. It was how he focused on what lay ahead. That was what she desperately needed to do now.   
It has now been three long months since Mulder disappeared.   
Scully's doctors had given her strict orders to reduce her stress levels, to take her pre-natal vitamins, and to get a lot of rest. For the most part she complied with their request. It was largely due to her current protector, Walter Skinner. He took on the role her father would have in a time like this. Although her family, especially her mother, took great pains about being there for her, it was Skinner that truly understood the nature of what Mulder's abduction had meant to her. He immediately ordered her to take an indefinite leave of absence from work. Although the FBI frowned upon it at first, it was Scully's doctors who championed her cause enough for the FBI to follow along. They said that it was the "unusual nature of Agent Dana Scully's pregnancy that required extreme cautionary measures to insure that Agent Dana Scully carry to term."   
At first Scully didn't mind being away from the Bureau. However, after the first night in her apartment the depth of what was happening began to hit her. She awoke the following morning, packed up some of her things, and drove over to Mulder's apartment. She was going to keep the place clean and warm for him until he came home. He would come home. There was no other option to be considered. She called her mother, told her where she was going to be, and settled in. She has been there ever since.   
Scully decided to go to work to make sure that Mulder's office, _their office_, had not been touched. She was relieved to know that A.D. Skinner had made sure that nothing in that office was to be disturbed. Not a poster was to be removed. Not a single paper clip was to be moved from where it had been. A tall order in a government agency that to many resembled a small pack of vultures waiting for some small scrap to chew on. And in a building that was becoming more and more crowded, space and supplies were now a prime commodity in the world of economic down sizing.   
It was that first trip to check on things that had begun Scully's daily ritual. She sat there that first afternoon holding a pencil in her hands and began to pray silently that it would somehow connect her to him where ever he was. That he would know that he was thinking about him. That he had a very important reason to return home. There would be not one, but two people, waiting there for him to come back to them.   
Today, she sat there alone in the office as she always had done. No one came down here often except cleaning crew and the occasional mail delivery. she all too often mistook their stpes fown the long corridor as those of her partner's. Yet, she knew his gait to well to be fooled for long.   
As she stared at the pencil in her hand the phone rang, breaking the moment. "Hello, Agent Scully speaking."   
"Dana. It's mom."   
"Mom, why are you calling me here?"   
Margaret Scully drew in a sharp breath before replying. "Dana, A.D. Skinner called me this afternoon. He told me that you have been sitting in that office all day. He was concerned."   
"I'm fine mom. Really, I'm okay."   
"You are not okay. Far from that honey." The elder Scully paused for a moment trying to think of what to say to her daughter. The words just didn't want to come to her. "I know you didn't want to take about the father of the baby. I know you have some very good reasons for that."   
"Mom, please, don't do this...."   
"Please, let me finish."   
"This isn't the time or the place for this discussion. Can you call me at home?"   
"You won't answer the phone at his place. You let the machine pick up all the calls. I know, I've tried three times since noon."   
"I will answer the phone. You have my word."   
"Dana, I know Fox is the father. Skinner has his own suspicions as well."   
"My God, Mom, you didn't say anything did you?"   
"No, I know better than that. I know what it might have meant for you if I had said something. Things are quite different now though."   
"Meaning?"   
"Meaning, Skinner believes that although a partner relationship is frowned upon, your work with Fox has been exemplary. They would have a hard time arguing that your professionalism has suffered from any involvement between you. That is, if there really was any involvement. I won't put those words in your mouth."   
Scully took a deep breath and held back the urge to cry. "Mom, what do you want me to say here?"   
"Is he the father?"   
Scully picked up the pencil and held in the palm of her hand. She held it to her chest and whispered softly, "Yes."   
"How long has it been going on?"   
"A few months ago, after I went to the Buddhist temple."   
"I remember you telling me about what happened at the hospital but not anything that occurred after that."   
"I went over to Mulder's apartment after it was over. I can't explain it Mom. I was there in that temple and my life as it would have been had I not come to D.C. played out before me. Then, I felt this change inside me. I knew that life wasn't the one I was suppose to live. I was meant to come here. Meant to become the partner to the infamous Spooky Mulder. I was destined for the work that he and I do with the X-Files. It's important. I can't even tell you how much so."   
"That's when it happened?"   
"Yes, that's when "It" happened. It wasn't a one night stand if that is what you were thinking."   
"I didn't imply that it was. I know how Fox feels about you. Not everyone is willing to face death to save their coworker. I know he loves you. I could see it in the way he is always trying to protect you."   
Scully began to sob. "Then why did it take me so long to see it?"   
"Because Dana, sometimes we are so clouded by fear that the truth gets lost. Love always finds a way to bring the truth back home to you. Just as I know that your love for Fox will bring him back to you. You have to have faith in that love and in him."   
"I'm trying so hard to believe."   
"You have to believe Dana." Maggie Scully paused a few moments to let her daughter compose herself. "I'm going to let you go now honey but with one condition."   
"What?"   
"You are to go back to Fox's and get some rest. I had your brothers help me pack some more of your things this afternoon and we took them over there for you. I also arranged to have the rent paid on your apartment paid while you are away just in case you decide to go back there."   
"I won't go back to my apartment until he comes home."   
"I didn't expect you to. You need to be there right now."   
"Thanks Mom."   
"Honey, your father would have been so proud of you." Maggie Scully choked back the tears that she wanted to shed for her daughter. She wished she could take away her daughter's pain. She knew, however, that only Mulder's safe return could do that. "Talk to you soon?"   
"I promise to call tomorow. Maybe we could go shopping for the baby's room?"   
"Sure, if you feel up to it. Right now I want you to rest."   
"Okay Mom. Talk to you tomorrow."   
"Bye Honey."   
Scully took a long look around the office. Finally she was able to get herself together, put on a little makeup, and gathered her things. As she went to close the door she look to the poster of the alien ship that adorned the wall behind Mulder's desk. It read, "I Want To Believe." A message that Mulder all too often drilled into her head as they worked on case after case of strange sightings and occurrences. Now, in light of all that happened, those words took on a whole meaning for her. And for the first time in her life she truly took them to heart. She closed the door and locked it. She made a mental promise to not return there until he did. For what good was she there without him.   
Scully grabbed a bite to eat at a deli on the way back to Mulder's. A half hour later, she walked into his apartment and placed her things on the coffee table. She took notice of the three boxes of her personal things that her mom had mentioned earlier on the phone. She decided to wait until the morning to tackle the job of putting them where she wanted them. The stress of what she was feeling had finally gotten to her and right now she needed to obey her doctor's orders and get the rest she and the baby both needed.   
She walked into the bedroom and went over to the small dresser that was in the corner of the room. She had already placed some of her things in an extra drawer. She took one of Mulder's T-shirts from one of the drawers that still held his things as he had left them and began to undress. She put on the shirt, a pair of her own sweat pants, threw on some socks, and crawled into the bed. For a few moments she simply stared at the ceiling trying to keep her mind free of thoughts of him. However, he was ever present in her mind and in her soul. She knew that he would always remain there.   
Instinctually, her hand went to her swollen belly and she gently rubbed herself there as she had seen mothers-to-be do so often. It was in that moment that she felt the first stirrings of the life that they created move within her. She began to laugh, something she hadn't done in months.   
With s soft whisper she began to speak to the growing child that she now felt kicking her. "Hey there. This is your mommy. I guess you are probably wondering where your dad is. Well, I am with you on that one but you have to know that he is coming home. He's up there in the sky. He wants to come home but he can't right now. When he does, we'll be waiting here for him. So you have to get big and strong for him. We both need to very brave. I know he is being brave and strong for us right now so we need to do that for him. Okay?"   
She sat there for a long time enjoying motherhood. Happy to be able to have the chance to experience the joy she was now feeling as she spoke to their unborn child. Knowing that the one person that she counted on, the one she loved, would soon be coming home. In that she now believed. 
> 
> THE END 
> 
> * * *
> 
> Title and Opening Quote taken from Matchbox Twenty's   
"If You're Gone" found on the _Mad Season_ CD.
> 
> * * *

   [1]: mailto:batchick@ptdprolog.net



End file.
